Purple Toupee

by John Linnell

I remember the year I went to camp
I heard about some lady named Selma and some blacks
Somebody put their fingers in the president's ears
And it wasn't too much later they came out with Johnson's wax

I remember the book depository
Where they crowned the king of Cuba
Now that's all I can think of, but I'm sure there's something else
Way down inside me, I can feel it coming back

Purple toupee will show the way
When summer brings you down
Purple toupee and gold lame
Will turn your brain around

Chinese people were fighting in the park
We tried to help them fight, no one appreciated that
Martin X was mad when they outlawed bell bottoms
Ten years later they were sharing the same cell

I shouted out, 'Free the Expo '67!'
'Til they stepped on my hair and then told me I was fat
Now I'm very big, I'm a big, important man
And the only thing that's different is underneath my hat

Purple toupee is here to stay
After the hair has gone away
The purple brigade
Is marching from the grave

We're on some kind of mission
We have an obligation
We have to wear toupees

Someone Keeps Moving My Chair

by John Linnell

Mr. Horrible! Mr. Horrible!
Telephone call for Mr. Horrible!
But before he can talk to the ugliness men
There's some horrible business left
For him to attend to

Something unpleasant has spilled on his brain
As he sponges it off, they say...

'Is this Horrible? Is this Horrible?
It's the ugliness men, Mr. Horrible
We're just trying to bug you
We thought that our dreadfulness
Might be a thing to annoy you with'

But Mr. Horrible says, 'I don't mind
The thing that bothers me is
Someone keeps moving my chair'

Would you mind if we balance this glass of milk
Where your visiting friend accidentally was killed?
Would it be okay with you if we wrote a reminder
Of things we'll forget to do today otherwise
Using a green magic marker
If it's alright, on the back of your head?

Mr. Horrible, Mr. Horrible
We're not done with you yet, Mr. Horrible
You have to try on these pants so the ugliness men
Can decide if they're just as embarrassing as we think
We have to be sure about this

But Mr. Horrible says, 'I don't mind
The thing that bothers me is
Someone keeps moving my chair'

Meet James Ensor

by John Flansburgh

Meet James Ensor
Belgium's famous painter
Dig him up and shake his hand
Appreciate the man

Before there were junk stores
Before there was junk
He lived with his mother
And the torments of Christ
The world was transformed
A crowd gathered round
Pressed against his window
So they could be the first

To meet James Ensor
Belgium's famous painter
Raise a glass and sit and stare
Understand the man

He lost all his friends
He didn't need his friends
He lived with his mother
And repeated himself
The world has forgotten
The world moved along
The crowd at his window
Went back to their homes

Meet James Ensor
Belgium's famous painter
Dig him up and shake his hand
Appreciate the man

Tesla

by John Flansburgh

Tesla
Brought the X-ray photo to the world
Brought the AC power to the world

Here is a mind that can see across space
Here is a mind soaring free
Sound turns to light and light turns to waves
And waves turn to all things perceived
Maybe that knowledge would drive one insane
How can that knowledge be tamed?

Tesla
Ushered the radio wave into the world
Ushered the neon light into the world

The Hotel New Yorker, he's dead on the floor
The body of Nikola lies
With just his papers, no family to tell
Out of the windows birds fly
Under an X-ray of Mark Twain's skull
The plan for the death-ray's design

Tesla
Brought the radar detection to the world
Ushered remote control into the world
Ushered the bladeless turbine into the world
Ushered the neon light into the world

Whistling in the Dark

by John Linnell

A woman came up to me and said
'I'd like to poison your mind
'With wrong ideas that appeal to you
'Though I am not unkind'
She looked at me
I looked at something written across her scalp
And these are the words that it faintly said
As I tried to call for help

There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told
That you only can do what you know how to do well
And that's be you
Be what you're like
Be like yourself
And so I'm having a wonderful time
But I'd rather be whistling in the dark

A man came up to me and said
'I'd like to change your mind
'By hitting it with a rock,' he said
'Though I am not unkind'
We laughed at his little joke
And then I happily walked away
And hit my head on the wall of the jail
Where the two of us live today

Cage & Aquarium

by John Flansburgh

Somebody's reading your mind
Damned if you know who it is
They're digging through all of your files
Stealing back your best ideas

You cover your windows with lead
Even keeping the pets outside
Then you hear a moment too late
This sound coming over the phone

This is the spawning of the cage and aquarium
Don't wait a moment too soon
Used to be different, now you're the same
Yawn as your plane goes down in flames