I Saw a White Lady Standing on the Street Just Sobbing (And I Think About It Once a Week)

by John Mulaney

It was two years ago
Christmas time, foot of snow
Passing through Union Square
And I saw this crying white lady
Just kinda standing there

(Funny, what if instead of getting on the subway with my entire class for our field trip to look at bugs, I'd walked over?)

I approach, she's demure
She thinks, 'Who is this four-foot bachelor?'
So my hand I extend
And say, 'I'm Alex J.
'And you look like you need a friend

'Why are you crying in a public place?
'Perhaps a friend of yours was fake to your face
'Or did you just come from Trader Joe's
'And you paid too much for your avocados?'

No Kleenex in her purse
I've a handkerchief for her
Of course, monogrammed, 'Alex J'
'Keep it, ma'am,
'Because you're just having one of those days

'I understand'
She takes my hand

We walk uptown and dine at Au Bon Pain
I talk of Sherlock Gnomes from beginning to end
Then suddenly I say, 'What's that sound I hear?
'Your lovely laugh, my dear'

You got problems and I don't want to delve
You're a grownup and I'm barely 12
Expel your problems, I can help you with coping
Look me in the eye, and the floodgates will open

They're phasing out my department
And I will lose my apartment
My mom is no support system
I like bad guys, can't resist them
Forgot to DVR Drag Race
My friend Elise, fake to my face
Some fraud made them freeze my AmEx
And later ran into my ex
And some days, this city and de Blasio just make me scream 'Why??!
'Why not just stand here and cry?'

(And also this whole time I'm wearing my dad's fancy scarf and my Heelys)

Her eyes glisten
I don't talk, I listen
Then the rain starts again
We scurry down the street
Into another Au Bon Pain

She takes my handkerchief from her purse
She says, Alex J, I feel like I'm cursed
'Lady, I know that the sky isn't clear
'But it cannot rain every day of the year
'Can't you just be crying in your own narrative?
'Because "We tell ourselves stories in order to live"'

She nods, 'Joan Didion'
I take her hand, to Le Pain Quotidien
And we talk about life and love
And Sherlock Gnomes
Until it's time to go home

That's what I think would happen
But it's all imagined
And I will wonder till the end
What if I hadn't walked away
Would that crying lady be my friend?

Anyway, I remember all sorts of things
Thanks for listening
And wherever you are, lady, have a good night

Hold on My Heart

by Phil Collins

Hold on my heart
Just hold on to that feeling
We both know we've been here before
We both know what can happen

Hold on my heart
'Cause I'm looking over your shoulder
Please don't rush in this time
Don't show her how you feel

Hold on my heart
Throw me a lifeline
I'll keep a place for you
Somewhere deep inside

Hold on my heart
Please tell her to be patient
'Cause there has never been a time
That I wanted something more

If I can recall this feeling
And I know there's a chance
I will be there
Be there for you

Whenever you want me to
Whenever you call
I will be there

Hold on my heart
Don't let her see you crying
No matter where I go
She'll always be with me

Hold on my heart
Just hold on to that feeling
We both know we've been here before
We both know what can happen
So hold on my heart

Invisible Touch

by Phil Collins

I've been waiting
Waiting here so long
But thinking nothing
Nothing could go wrong
Now I know she has a built-in ability
To take everything she sees
And now it seems I'm falling for her

She seems to have an invisible touch
She reaches in and grabs right hold of your heart
She seems to have an invisible touch
It takes control and slowly tears you apart

I don't really know her
I only know her name
But she crawls under your skin
You're never quite the same
And now I know she's got something you just can't trust
And it's something mysterious
And now it seems I'm falling for her

Well, she don't like losing
To her it's still a game
And though she will mess up your life
You'll want her just the same
And now I know she has a built-in ability
To take everything she sees
And now it seems I've fallen for her

Common People

by Jarvis Cocker

She came from Greece, she had a thirst for knowledge
She studied sculpture at St Martin's College
That's where I caught her eye.

She told me that her dad was loaded
I said, 'In that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola.'
She said, 'Fine,' and in thirty seconds time

She said,
'I want to live like common people
'I want to do whatever common people do
'I want to sleep with common people
'I want to sleep with common people like you'
Well, what else could I do?
I said, 'I'll see what I can do'

I took her to a supermarket
I don't know why but I had to start it
Somewhere, so it started there

I said, 'Pretend you've got no money'
She just laughed and said, 'Oh, you're so funny'
I said, 'Yeah? I can't see anyone else smiling here'

Are you sure you want to live like common people?
You want to see whatever common people see
You want to sleep with common people
You want to sleep with common people like me
But she didn't understand
She just smiled and held my hand

Rent a flat above a shop
Cut your hair and get a job
Smoke some fags and play some pool
Pretend you never went to school

But still you'll never get it right
'Cause when you're laid in bed at night
Watching roaches climb the wall
If you called your dad, he could stop it all

You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
And then dance and drink and screw
Because there's nothing else to do

Sing along with the common people
Sing along and it might just get you through
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh along even though they're laughing at you
And the stupid things that you do
Because you think that poor is cool

Like a dog lying in a corner
They will bite you and never warn you
Look out, they'll tear your insides out

'Cause everybody hates a tourist
Especially one who thinks it's all such a laugh
Yeah and the chip stain's grease
Will come out in the bath

You will never understand
How it feels to live your life
With no meaning or control
And with nowhere left to go

You are amazed that they exist
And they burn so bright
Whilst you can only wonder why

How Soon Is Now?

by Steven Morrissey

I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am human, and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry, and you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen now
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See, I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

Temptation Eyes

by Harvey Price

She's got something that moves my soul
And she knows I'd love to love her
But she lets me down every time
Can't make her mine, she's no one's lover

Tonight with me she'll be so inviting
I want her all for myself

Oh, temptation eyes
Looking through my soul
Temptation eyes
You've got to love me tonight

Her wild-eyed innocence is just a game
But just the same my head is spinning
She's got a way to keep me on her side
It's just a ride, it's never-ending

Don't Go Away

by Noel Gallagher

Cold and frosty morning
There's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning
My plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind

And I want to be there
When you're coming down
And I want to be there
When you hit the ground

So don't go away
Say what you say
Say that you'll stay
Forever and a day
In the time of my life
'Cause I need more time
Yes, I need more time
Just to make things right

Damn my situation
And the games I have to play
With all the things caught in my mind
Damn my education
I can't find the words to say
With all the things caught in my mind

Me and you, what's going on?
All we seem to know is how to show
The feelings that are wrong

So don't go away
Say what you say
Say that you'll stay
Forever and a day
In the time of my life
'Cause I need more time
Yes, I need more time
Just to make things right

Should I?

by Arthur Freed

Should I reveal exactly how I feel?
Should I confess I love you?
Should I recite beneath the pale moonlight?
And swear by the stars above you?

Could I repeat the sweetest story told?
Could I entreat? Would it be too bold?
Should I reveal exactly how I feel?
Should I confess I love you?

A Living Human Girl

by Lydia Night

I've got pimples on my face and grease in my hair
And prickly legs, go 'head and stare
An ass full of stretch marks and little boobs
A nice full belly that's filled with food
Sometimes I'm pretty, and sometimes I'm not
So let's take a listen, hit me with your best shot

I don't exercise, and I don't read books
And if you want to criticize me, go ahead, take a look
I'm not being bossy, I'm saying how I feel
And I'm not a bitch for stating what is real
Sometimes I'm girly, and sometimes I'm not
So let's take a listen, hit me with your best shot

I bleed once a month
Sometimes when I shave I get little red bumps
I wear short skirts and sometimes long pants
I can dress how I want, not looking for a show of hands
Sometimes I'm moody and sometimes I'm not
Sometimes I'm lazy and sometimes I'm not
Sometimes I'm crazy and sometimes I'm not
Sometimes I'm angry and sometimes I'm not
Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm not

I'm still going be here even after your best shot
Because I can be brave and I can be bold
No matter what you have to say

Oh I fall in love with people once a day
But if you ask me out, I'm still allowed to say, 'no way'

It's the End of the World As We Know It

by Michael Stipe

That's great, it starts with an earthquake
Birds and snakes, an aeroplane
Lenny Bruce is not afraid

Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn
World serves its own needs, don't misserve your own needs
Feed it up a knock, speed, grunt, no, strength
The ladder starts to clatter with a fear of height, down, height
Wire in a fire, represent the seven games
And a government for hire and a combat site
Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry
With the Furies breathing down your neck

Team by team, reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low plane, fine, then
Uh oh, overflow, population, common group
But it'll do, save yourself, serve yourself
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed
Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right, right
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light
Feeling pretty psyched

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine

Six o'clock, T.V. hour, don't get caught in foreign tower
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn
Lock him in uniform, book burning, bloodletting
Every motive escalate, automotive incinerate
Light a candle, light a motive, step down, step down
Watch your heel crush, crush, uh oh
This means no fear, cavalier, renegade and steering clear
A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline

The other night I dreamt a nice continental drift divide
Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein
Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs
Birthday party, cheesecake, jellybean, boom
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam but neck, right? Right!

It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine

Gimme Something Good

by Ryan Adams

I can't talk
My mind is so blank
So going for a walk
I've got nothing left to say

I can't see
The darkness on the rise
I'll be waiting here
Till the end of time

All my life been shaking
Wanting something
Holding everything I have
Like it was broken

Gimme something good

I was playing dead
Doesn't make a sound
Holding my breath
Going underground

So I can't talk
I got nothing to say
It's like there's no tomorrow
Barely yesterday

All my life been shaking
Wanting something
Holding everybody back
Round and round
Gimme something good

Louisiana 1927

by Randy Newman

What has happened down here is the winds have changed
Clouds roll in from the north, and it started to rain
Rained real hard, and it rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

The river rose all day
The river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood
Some people got away alright
The river have busted through clear down to Plaquemines
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tyrin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

President Coolidge come down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a note-pad in his hand
The President say, 'Little fat man, isn't it a shame
What the river has done to this poor cracker's land.'

Speed Trap Town

by Jason Isbell

She said, 'It's none of my business, but it breaks my heart'
Dropped a dozen cheap roses in my shopping cart
Made it out to the truck without breaking down
Everybody knows you in a speed trap town

It's a Thursday night, but there's a high school game
Sneak a bottle up the bleachers and forget my name
These 5A bastards run a shallow cross
It's a boy's last dream and a man's first loss

And it never did occur to me to leave 'til tonight
And there's no one left to ask if I'm alright
I'll sleep until I'm straight enough to drive, then decide
If there's anything that can't be left behind

The doctor said Daddy wouldn't make it a year
But the holidays are over, and he's still here
How long can they keep you in the ICU?
Veins through the skin like a faded tattoo

Was a tough state trooper 'til a decade back
When that girl who wasn't Mama caused his heart attack
He didn't care about us when he was walking around
Just pulling women over in a speed trap town

But it never did occur to me to leave 'til tonight
When I realized he'll never be alright
Sign my name and say my last goodbye, then decide
That there's nothing here that can't be left behind

The road got blurry when the sun came up
So I slept a couple hours in the pickup truck
Drank a cup of coffee by an Indian mound
A thousand miles away from that speed trap town

You Did That for Me

by Sara Groves

I don't have to cry anymore
I don't have to worry about what's in store
I've walked that road exhausted and poor
I don't have to cry anymore

I don't have to know it all
I don't have to be so proud and stand so tall
I climbed that mountain only to fall
I don't have to know it all

You did that for me
You wore the chains so I could be free
You did that for me

And I don't have to be ashamed
Hang my head or shoulder the blame
Wondering if my life's been in vain
I don't have to be ashamed

Man of sorrows
Well acquainted with grief
Drug down to the city dump
Spread eagle on a cross beam
Propped up like a scarecrow
Nailed like a thief
There for all the world to see

Gimme Shelter

by Mick Jagger

A storm is threatening
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
I'm going to fade away

War, children
It's just a shot away

See the fire is sweeping
Our very street today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost its way

Rape, murder
It's just a shot away

The floods is threatning
My very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter
Or I'm going to fade away

Love, sister
It's just a kiss away

I Just Wasn't Made for These Times

by Tony Asher

I keep looking for a place to fit in
Where I can speak my mind
And I've been trying hard to find the people
That I won't leave behind

They say I got brains
But they ain't doing me no good
I wish they could

Each time things start to happen again
I think I got something good going for myself
But what goes wrong

Sometimes I feel very sad
Sometimes I feel very sad
(Ain't found the right thing I can put my heart and soul into)
Sometimes I feel very sad
(People I know don't wanna be where I'm at)
I guess I just wasn't made for these times

Every time I get the inspiration
To go change things around
No one wants to help me look for places
Where new things might be found

Where can I turn
When my fair-weathered friends cop out
What's it all about?

I guess I just wasn't made for these times

from Hamlet, Act III

by William Shakespeare

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would these fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action

John Barleycorn

Traditional
by Robert Burns

There was three kings into the east,
Three kings both great and high,
And they hae sworn a solemn oath
John Barleycorn should die.

They took a plough and plough'd him down,
Put clods upon his head,
And they hae sworn a solemn oath
John Barleycorn was dead.

But the cheerful Spring came kindly on,
And show'rs began to fall;
John Barleycorn got up again,
And sore surpris'd them all.

The sultry suns of Summer came,
And he grew thick and strong;
His head weel arm'd wi' pointed spears,
That no one should him wrong.

The sober Autumn enter'd mild,
When he grew wan and pale;
His bending joints and drooping head
Show'd he began to fail.

His colour sicken'd more and more,
He faded into age;
And then his enemies began
To show their deadly rage.

They've taen a weapon, long and sharp,
And cut him by the knee;
Then tied him fast upon a cart,
Like a rogue for forgerie.

They laid him down upon his back,
And cudgell'd him full sore;
They hung him up before the storm,
And turned him o'er and o'er.

They filled up a darksome pit
With water to the brim;
They heaved in John Barleycorn,
There let him sink or swim.

They laid him out upon the floor,
To work him farther woe;
And still, as signs of life appear'd,
They toss'd him to and fro.

They wasted, o'er a scorching flame,
The marrow of his bones;
But a miller us'd him worst of all,
For he crush'd him between two stones.

And they hae taen his very heart's blood,
And drank it round and round;
And still the more and more they drank,
Their joy did more abound.

John Barleycorn was a hero bold,
Of noble enterprise;
For if you do but taste his blood,
'Twill make your courage rise.

'Twill make a man forget his woe;
'Twill heighten all his joy;
'Twill make the widow's heart to sing,
Tho' the tear were in her eye.

Then let us toast John Barleycorn,
Each man a glass in hand;
And may his great posterity
Ne'er fail in old Scotland!

All Along the Watchtower

by Bob Dylan

'There must be some way out of here,' said the joker to the thief
'There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth'

'No reason to get excited,' the thief, he kindly spoke
'There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late'

All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl

Someone Keeps Moving My Chair

by John Linnell

Mr. Horrible! Mr. Horrible!
Telephone call for Mr. Horrible!
But before he can talk to the ugliness men
There's some horrible business left
For him to attend to

Something unpleasant has spilled on his brain
As he sponges it off, they say...

'Is this Horrible? Is this Horrible?
It's the ugliness men, Mr. Horrible
We're just trying to bug you
We thought that our dreadfulness
Might be a thing to annoy you with'

But Mr. Horrible says, 'I don't mind
The thing that bothers me is
Someone keeps moving my chair'

Would you mind if we balance this glass of milk
Where your visiting friend accidentally was killed?
Would it be okay with you if we wrote a reminder
Of things we'll forget to do today otherwise
Using a green magic marker
If it's alright, on the back of your head?

Mr. Horrible, Mr. Horrible
We're not done with you yet, Mr. Horrible
You have to try on these pants so the ugliness men
Can decide if they're just as embarrassing as we think
We have to be sure about this

But Mr. Horrible says, 'I don't mind
The thing that bothers me is
Someone keeps moving my chair'