Brush Up Your Shakespeare

by Cole Porter

The girls today in society
Go for classical poetry
So to win their hearts one must quote with ease
Aeschylus and Euripides

One must know Homer, and believe me, beau
Sophocles, also Sappho-ho
Unless you know Shelley and Keats and Pope
Dainty Debbies will call you a dope

But the poet of them all
Who will start 'em simply ravin'
Is the poet people call
The Bard of Stratford-on-Avon

Brush up your Shakespeare
Start quoting him now
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow

Just declaim a few lines from Othella
And they'll think you're a hell of a fella
If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopatterer
If she fights when her clothes you are mussing
What are clothes? Much Ado About Nussing
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow

With the wife of the British ambessida
Try a crack out of Troilus and Cressida
If she says she won't buy it or tike it
Make her tike it, what's more As You Like It
If she says your behavior is heinous
Kick her right in the Coriolanus
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow

If you can't be a ham and do Hamlet
They will not give a damn or a damlet
Just recite an occasional sonnet
And your lap will have honey upon it
When your baby is pleading for pleasure
Let her sample your Measure for Measure
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow

Better mention The Merchant Of Venice
When her sweet pound o' flesh you would menace
If her virtue, at first, she defends well
Just remind her that All's Well That Ends Well
And if still she won't give you a bonus
You know what Venus got from Adonis
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow

If your girl is a Washington Heights dream
Treat the kid to A Midsummer Night's Dream
If she then wants an all-by-herself night
Let her rest every 'leventh or Twelfth Night
If because of your heat she gets huffy
Simply play on and lay on, Macduffy!
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kow-tow